Almost 8 years ago, I started exploring the idea of fear and scarcity. This inner critic or nagging feeling that I have inside of me and I think most of us have inside of us, that we are not enough. Whether it’s ingrained, our conditioning, or just part of being human, it’s always been an area of great curiosity for me.
Over the years, I toyed with writing a blog, doing things here and there with it, but it was sort of a seed that remained dormant. I mostly pushed it to the back burner because it would have required me to step deeper into my own self-expression and creativity. I never anticipated that such a small seed would one day germinate and grow into the form of a podcast.
Learning how to do this was a deeply unnerving and vulnerable process for me. Lots of screwups, messiness, and the lovely embrace of imperfection. I grew in an even deeper awareness of how impatient and hard I can be on myself, not to mention having to come face to face with so many of my own fears. Most of which come from this place of scarcity.
I find that so much of my own need to feel “okay” is often rooted in my need for certainty vs. embracing the bigger call to jump into the the unknown. That’s where I believe the true magic is when we let go, surrender, and trust that something bigger is at work even when we might not see it. It’s hard to do that anytime in life, but most certainly during times like these.
As I began to let go of “getting it right” or any kind of outcome, I started to have fun playing in this new space I created for myself. I’ve lost track of the number of small steps I took, often times not taking in my progress along the way. I’d recorded the first couple episodes months ago, in fact, almost a year ago at this point. So much has happened since then. I’d pause and start back up again.
When the pandemic hit, I wondered if any of this would be relevant anymore. And as much as I’d love to say that it’s not so that it would give me a way out, I realized just the opposite was true. That it’s more relevant than ever. So much of perceived scarcity is where we think we are in danger when we’re really not. And how most of us have more than enough, yet how easy it is to focus on lack or the things we don’t have.
Much of what we push to our shadow, may actually be a treasure for someone else. Our pain, our fears, and our vulnerability are often times our deepest places of power and the cracks by which Love makes its way in. As we reconcile all the places where we often live under perceived scarcity in our own lives, it’s haunting to then realize all the places where true scarcity really does exist in our world.
It feels like the blinders are being ripped off right now in seeing what has been there all along. It’s humbling, heartbreaking, and also hopeful all at the same time. I had launched this podcast a few weeks ago, but hardly told anyone. I even told my dentist last week when he asked what I do for a living, and I dared to share more about what I’ve been working on creatively.
I quietly said, “I have a podcast on scarcity.”
“You mean not enough?!” he said back.
I continue to be surprised as to how much this seems to be in the zeitgeist. There are now five episodes live, and many more on the way. It’s my hope that somehow, someone, somewhere might be encouraged by this small contribution. And that as we all step into these new spaces in our lives, perhaps we can collectively give birth to that which is waiting to emerge in all of us.